The new year is in full swing and many of you are already behind on your plans/goals. I mean, one of your goals is to find your future husband/wife this year and you haven’t taken one step towards that goal yet. Why?
I’ll start with a disclaimer: If you want to achieve your goal of finding your future husband/wife and you think you can just sit, look pretty (or handsome) and wait for Mr/Mrs to swing by, you’re wrong. In fact, you’re so wrong that what I’m about to share with is going to shake you up so much that you’re either going to take action immediately or you’re going to shrink back and probably take no action for the whole year.
So, this is about you and not your future spouse, and I want you to know that the best position to be in when you meet your future spouse is the ready position (prepared).
That said, here are the 5 things you need to know before you find your spouse:
1. Why You?
I love the way so many people can tell you why that guy or that gal is so good for their spouse – “Oh she is so good around the house” or “She always supports his ideas” or “He’s so attentive to her needs”. Yes, that’s great, but what about you? Why are you right for your future spouse? Make a list. Can’t think of anything, that’s okay because I have good news for you – we all have something to offer and, often time, we have much more than we think. You just haven’t identified what you have, yet. Here’s a starter for how to identify your why: Ask family and friends what they love about you (personality traits, things you do), do a SWAT analysis of yourself, what interests/hobbies do you have? The things on your list are what make you interesting, they’re what you have to offer.
2. What You’re Willing To Give
Your life! I hear you, but I pray it doesn’t take that, otherwise…well you get the point. The funny thing is that if that’s your answer, you’re not far off because before you meet your spouse you should be doing/practicing the things you will be doing when you’re with your spouse. You can’t start learning how to make the bed when you meet your spouse! This is one of the main areas where people fall when they meet a potential spouse or, even worse, once they are married. Love is all about giving and most people have no practice in giving – giving when it makes no sense, giving when it doesn’t (seemingly) benefit you, giving when it’s all you have. Sacrificial giving. Anyone can give/love when it’s easy (during the honeymoon period). True giving will make a life with your spouse on life long honeymoon!
3. Where You’re Willing To Go
You can buy a flight to the other side of the world and see what the opposite sex is like there. To be honest, I was thinking a bit more local. When was the last time you went somewhere different – a new town, a social club/venue in a new area, a meeting/conference on a topic that your interested in or would like to know more about? Seeing and experiencing more will enhance you as a person and give you more insight into what you really want in a spouse.
4. What You’re Willing To Do
This is closely linked to point 3 in that you cannot continue doing the same things, going to the same places and expecting something different to happen. Yes, no two experiences are exactly the same and your spouse might just have moved into town and be heading to same social club you go to every month, but you have to give your spouse the best chance of meeting you. And besides, going to new places will make you more interesting and widen your network. Places and people aside – what are you willing to do (NOW)? Do you have things/yourself in order or are you making excuses as to why there’re things still undone? Do you know what you want in life? Do you have a clear list of goals and dreams so that when you meet your future spouse you can share them, honestly, so they know you are serious and committed to achieving them (showing you’re a committed person)? The more you do the more you increase the list in point number 1.
5. Who You’re Willing To Give Up (invite in)
This goes both ways. You may have people that you need to give up and/or people you need to invite in. We often find ways to make it acceptable for people that we don’t need to be around us to stay in our lives. Often time it’s because we do not want to hurt feelings or because of nostalgia, but the truth is we do not need certain people in our lives because it’s detracting from our growth. And the opposite is also true, we often do not invite into our lives those we need to be around because of our own feelings – what will they think of me being around them, they’re all married and I’m single. You need to be around couples who are in a healthy, happy marriage like you desire to be. Learn from them.
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